Wednesday, January 22, 2014

My Fat Fatwa: Finding Motivation

I swear, the past twenty-four hours have been hellish.

As far as I knew, Weight Watchers was *not* supposed to feel like this.

Here's the deal: I was expecting to feel obnoxious. I've been at the beginning of a major dietary coup before. I know I wasn't supposed to feel all sunshine and rainbows. But, come on! The problem is, that for a few days now, since I started my campaign, I have been famished. It's not that I am starving myself.  We had a pretty good stock pile of frozen veggies and fresh fruits.  And I have been hitting those like a madwoman.  And no matter how much of those I ate, it wouldn't be terribly long before they would be gone, and I would feel like I hadn't eaten anything at all.  Nothing.  It was freaking awful.

When you go to bed and wake up feeling like you want to gnaw your own arm off, something is amiss. For a while I was wondering if the whole experience was going to be like this.  Am I going to just continue to feel like an emotional wreck? And will people allow me to be grumpy?

Really the happy pappy dieting success people were getting on my nerves too.  Can I not just be allowed to be grumpy?  Can't we all just allow each other to be grumpy at least in the beginning?

I think we should allow ourselves to feel awful without retribution.  Why do we expect that we have to feel one way or another? Why do we feel it necessary to require others to feel happy, pumped, or on fire? I would argue that each individual needs to process an experience individually.

Still, I would like to feel better and not feel like I was ravenously hungry all the time. I was going through all the usual suspects.  I was using all my Weight Watchers points.  That was the problem the last time I tried doing the WW thing about 7 years ago. I would not use all my points and not only would I not lose weight, I'd feel like ass all the time. But that's not the case here. I had been loading on all my zero point, power foods that they recommended.

I was eating better. What the heck was going on here?!!!

Then it hit me: carbs and sugar.

The natural progression, because sugar and carbs have a tendency to scarf up points like nothing else, was to avoid those things. And this is good.  A good transition to make. But my body was obviously going into shock. I was having my own little biological nervous breakdown for lack of scones and sandwiches and things that had sugar and empty carbs coming out the wazoo.

So I got myself a sandwich at lunch.  On a whole wheat, denser and more fiber-filled bun.  A lean barbecue chicken sandwich.  And while I felt a little on the tired side, it was SO MUCH BETTER than what I felt like before.

On top of this, I was able to do a Trader Joe's run, where my family helped me stock the cupboard, freezer, and fridge with an array of interesting foods. I have soups I have never tried before, and multi-rice dishes, and fiber-rich snacks and healthy bread. All ways to round out the diet where I was lacking and get a little adventurous.  I also picked up kumquats (which I had never tried before) and blood oranges (which I also haven't tried.)

Here is my thought: if I have to upend my dietary life, let's try something completely different. Let's do a little culinary off-roading and see what happens?


  1. I see that the attitude has already made an adjustment.....An "Adventure" has begun! LOVE yourself thru this.

    My alcohol (yeah, sugar of the worst kind!) withdrawls were of the physiological variety and medically, should have landed me in the ER. Still not sure how I avoided seizures. Lucky I guess. I should have had medical support when I made my decision.

    My nicotine kicking efforts took many years and dozens of sincere tries. ALL lead to crazy making and failures. UNTIL they didn't. Finally, I can say I'm on the other side of that. I didn't quit in time; I have lung disease anyways.

    I have no experience of weight loss except when I didn't mean to and it was too much and it was indeed, another medical mis-fortune. I do not envy your journey, Sara. The body and the mind needs food. IT requires fuel for every function we take mostly for granted. The behavior modification will no doubt be brutal from time to time. Food serves as a pal, a buddy and buoy if you will---much like the nicotine and even the seductive promise wine offered me for so long. Sometimes less becomes more.

    IF you can approach all ahead of you with kindness and love for yourself, if you can take spiritual principles with you on this road---if you can take baby steps and pat yourself on the back each day no matter what kind of day it was, you will be successful. There are so many things which will change, die away, blossom and be replaced by positive, along the way---- you will be amazed. Oh and yeah, before I forget---- keep writing, keep creating, keep laughing!

    Just do tomorrow when it gets here, not sooner.
    Love and hugs....

    1. Thanks so much for this. *Hugs*

    2. I hope what I wrote is helpful. It was not a "rant or a soap box" on my part. IT was sincere. What you are undertaking (WHY is it called that???!!!!) is an example of FAITH. Some of it will be a bitch. None of it will bring automatic happiness. BUT something wonderful will morph & develop. Nurture it. Nurture it for the rest of your life. This is not something you will do for a "little while." This is your life, re-invented.